Slipping Through My Fingers
by SarahandBabees
Summary: "The feeling that I'm losing her forever, and without really entering her world. I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter; that funny little girl." Janine Hathaway makes the hardest decision in her life: She sends Rose to St. Vladimir's. Oneshot.


_A/N: Hellooo :) for those yof you who don't know me, the name's Sarah :) I've been working on this oneshot for the past few days, and I'm really excited to be posting it! The idea just hit me out of nowhere when I was half asleep xD I hope it's good, and that you like it!_

_I'd like to thank she lives in a daydream for betaing this oneshot :) Ashleigh, you're seriously awesome. Seriously. xD if you guys haven't already read her stories, then I suggest you do. They're absolutely brilliant (though, don't tell her that. her ego's big enough already xD)_

_Anyways, I'll stop talking now. Enjoy "Slipping Through My Fingers" :D_

_~ Sarah Ozera ~_

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><p><em>DISCLAIMER: I, Sarah, do not own Vampire Academy, its plot or its characters. They belong to the insanely talented red-head who goes by the name of Richelle Mead :) I don't own the lyrics of "Slipping Through My Fingers" either. They belong to ABBA.<em>

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><p><em><strong>Slipping Through My Fingers<br>**__**by Sarah Ozera  
><strong>__Third Person POV  
>"Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning<br>Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile  
>I watch her go with a surge of well-known sadness<br>And I have to sit down for a while  
>The feeling that I'm losing her forever<br>And without really entering her world  
>I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter<br>That funny little girl_

_Slipping through my fingers all the time  
>I try to capture every minute<br>The feeling in it  
>Slipping through my fingers all the time<br>Do I really see what's in her mind  
>Each time I think I'm close to knowing<br>She keeps on growing  
>Slipping through my fingers all the time"<em>

"Momma, where are we going?" Rose asked, turning her big brown eyes from the window to her mother.

For a moment, her mother couldn't breathe. Those were Ibrahim's eyes staring up at her, set in the sweet, innocent face of her five-year-old daughter.

Janine Hathaway had been dreading this day for years. It was the day that she'd hand her tiny daughter over to St. Vladimir's Academy in backwoods Montana, so that she could grow to be a great guardian. She had to send her, as much as she didn't want to, because she'd been offered a position as a guardian for a Szelsky lord, and it was one thing that she just _couldn't_ turn down. And it wasn't like she could bring her daughter with her, even though her new charge said that it would be okay. She just couldn't put her little Rose in that kind of danger.

Rose. Her tiny daughter who was still staring at her, still waiting for an answer.

"We're going to a place called Montana, Rosie. It's in America," she replied, smiling down at her.

Rose climbed over onto her mother's lap. "Is America far?"

"Yes, sweetie. We're going to be on this plane for a few more hours." Okay, more than a few hours. Glascow wasn't exactly close to Montana.

"Oh . . . okay, Momma." She snuggled up to Janine's chest. "What are we gonna do in Montana?"

The smile on Janine's face tightened. "You're going to go to school there, baby."

At the mention of school, Rose's whole face lit up. "I get to go to school?" she asked excitedly.

Her mother nodded. "Yes, Rosie. You're old enough now."

"Yay!" she cheered, hugging her mother tight. "Momma, am I gonna learn to fight just like you?"

Janine brushed a deep brown curl from her daughter's face and nodded. "Rosie, you'll be ten times better than me by the time you're done school."

Rose's eyes widened. "Really, Momma?" she asked.

"Really," Janine confirmed.

Rose's eyes sparkled at the prospect of being a better fighter than her mother, because in her mind, there was no better fighter. Her mommy was the best out there.

They both fell silent for a few moments. Rose contented herself in playing with her mother's long, auburn curls before she asked, "Momma, why isn't my hair red like yours? Why is it brown?"

Janine paused, her breath catching in her throat before she managed to say, "Because your daddy has brown hair." It was a wonder she kept her voice even; mentioning her lost love was hard for her. But she had no right to complain. It _was _her fault, after all.

"Oh." Rose's brow furrowed. "Momma, why don't I have a daddy?"

Her heart constricted painfully, and tears burned the back of her eyes and her throat tightened. She didn't want to talk about Ibrahim, but she couldn't deny her daughter from knowing certain things about her father.

"Rose, honey, your daddy . . . well, he works a lot. He lives very far away, in a country called Turkey, and can't be with us because of that."

Rose's nose scrunched up. "Momma, a turkey is an animal, not a place! Silly goose."

Despite herself, Janine laughed. "It's an animal _and_ a place, Rosie."

"Oh . . . are there turkeys in Turkey?"

She decided to humor her. "Yes, Rose." She didn't actually know; she hadn't seen any, but that didn't mean that there wasn't any.

"Okay. Can I go there someday and meet Daddy?" she asked.

Janine smiled softly at her. "Maybe someday, when you're older."

"Okay. I'll catch him a turkey and we'll eat it and he'll be so happy and he'll love me lots!"

Janine hugged Rose to her. "He already does love you lots, Rose. Don't ever forget that."

Rose appeared to be contented with this and let her head rest in the crook of her mother's neck. Janine pulled a blanket over the two of them and rubbed Rose's back, knowing that it would put her to sleep. It always had, ever since she was a baby.

It was funny, the little things that Janine knew about Rose. For example: Rose only ate potatoes if they were mashed, and any other vegetable was out of the question. She liked ketchup on almost everything, including toast. She hated mindless cartoons, preferring action and horror any day. She had a terrible temper, especially when it came to bath time. There was no arguing with her about anything; you had to agree, or else she'd fight with you for hours. She wasn't a typical little girl that was afraid of getting dirty; Janine had once found her covered head to toe in mud, a grin on her face and holding a muddy coin that she'd saw in the mud puddle. She was never seen anywhere without her battered old teddy, a plush dog that she'd named Bartholomew, affectionately called Bart. The only thing that scared her was thunder; anything else, she laughed at. She was a strange little girl, but Janine loved her for it.

_Will she still be this way in a few years?_ Janine mused silently. _Or will she be completely different? Will I still know her the way I do now?_

A light snore emanated from Rose, bringing a smile to Janine's lips. That smile faltered, however, when she thought of her life without her.

_God, how will I be able to leave her? s_he asked herself. Staring down at her daughter's sleeping form, she wasn't sure that she could. For the past four and a half years, it had just been the two of them. Ibrahim had been with them for the first few months of Rose's life, and Janine's happiest memories were from that time.

But Abe started getting himself into trouble. He'd returned home on more than one occasion all battered and bloody from a fight he'd gotten into. Janine worried about how their lifestyle would affect Rose in the long-run so, one night, when Abe wasn't home, Janine packed their things and left, leaving only a note behind.

Janine had taken Rose to Glascow because it was where she'd grown up. She knew the place, therefore it was easier to establish a home there.

She and Rose had lived a nice, stable life for the past five years. But, two months earlier, Lord Szelsky had contacted her and asked if she'd be his guardian, since his had just been killed. To Janine, this was amazing news. It wasn't amazing that she was getting it because someone died, but it was amazing nonetheless.

But then there was the matter of what she'd do with Rose. She couldn't send her to live with her cousins in the commune. She refused to have Rose grow up there. Her mother didn't even know that Rose existed, since Janine hadn't spoken to her in over seven years.

She'd been prepared to decline the offer when she suddenly thought of Alberta Petrov.

Janine had known Alberta for years, since she went to the Academy in Scotland. Alberta had been her mentor, so the two went way back. Janine remembered Alberta telling her that she was going to teach at St. Vladimir's in Montana, and Janine could think of no one else that she trusted more to take care of Rose. She'd immediately called her and, soon after, Rose was enrolled in the Academy in the fall, and Janine was able to accept the position.

But was it all worth separating from Rose? Janine knew that she could visit on the holidays, but could she really go for months without seeing her daughter?

She realized that she'd have to. It was the best thing for her _and_ for Rose. For her because her reputation as a great guardian would be restored. For Rose because she'd receive the best education available to her. It was a win-win situation.

But still, Janine couldn't help holding Rose just a little bit tighter, knowing that it was almost time to let her go.

~ VΛ ~

Upon arriving in Montana, Janine and Rose were picked up at the airport by Alberta.

"Jan," Alberta said warmly, holding her arms out for a hug.

"Bertie," Janine murmured, gladly accepting the hug. "It's been too long."

"It has," Alberta agreed. Her gaze then shifted to the small, dark-haired child who was staring at her curiously. She knelt down so that she was at eye-level with her, offering a smile.

"And who might you be?" she asked, poking the child in the stomach and earning a grin.

"My name is Rosemarie Ayla Hathaway. Momma calls me Rosie, and you can call me Rose. I don't like Rosemarie very much; it's _way_ too long," she told the older woman.

Alberta laughed. "Rose it is, then."

"Who are you?" Rose asked.

"My name is Alberta," she replied.

"Okay. I like you, Alberta. You're _really_ nice," she told her, grinning. Alberta was struck by how cute she was; her hair was a tangle of long dark brown, almost black curls, her skin tone was a darker color, like the inside of an almond, her eyes were a deep, coffee-colored brown, and she was missing one of her front teeth. You could see a lot of her mother in her, like her eyes, nose and facial shape, but the rest must've come from her father.

"I like you too," Alberta told her, laughter in her voice. She stood back up, turning back to Janine.

"She's a real cutie, Jan," she said, smiling.

Janine smiled softly. "Thanks, Bertie."

"You ready to go?" she asked.

"Are we going to school?" Rose asked excitedly, clutching at the bottom of Alberta's jacket and jumping up and down.

"Yes, Rose, we're going to school," Alberta replied.

As they walked to the SUV, Rose held Alberta's hand instead of her mother's, much to Janine's amusement and slight disappointment. She only had the rest of the day to be with her, and the thought of losing even one minute with Rose made her heart ache painfully.

The drive to St. Vladimir's was relatively uneventful. Rose kept Alberta and Janine amused, pointing at everything and gasping whenever they drove past an animal. Especially when she saw the bunny.

"Momma, can I please have a pet bunny? Pretty please with sugar and a cherry on top?" she pleaded, looking at Janine with those big brown eyes of hers.

Janine chuckled. "No, Rosie. You can't have bunnies at school, and you know that animals don't like dhampirs like us very much."

Rose pouted. "But Momma, I promise he'd like me! I'd name him George and I'd take _really_ good care of him! I'd share all of my food and everything with him. I promise!"

It wasn't Janine who replied, it was Alberta.

"Rose, I'm sure that's true, but you can't have any pets at school. Some people may be allergic, which means that animals make them really sick if they're around them. You wouldn't want that, would you?"

Rose's eyes filled with tears and she mumbled a quiet "No."

"Oh, Rosie, don't cry," Janine said softly, stroking her hair. "You have Bart to keep you company, anyway. I'm sure he'd be jealous if you got a bunny."

Rose gasped loudly and clutched Bartholomew closer to her. "Oh no!" she exclaimed.

There was no further talk of bunnies then, and they soon arrived at the Academy.

Rose's eyes filled with wonder as they drove by the giant wrought iron gates that opened up to the school. They drove down the long, tree-lined driveway before stopping in front of what Janine assumed was the administration building. It was a tall, Gothic-looking stone building. It almost looked like a castle, with its menacing-looking gargoyles and spires that seemed to reach the sky.

It was gorgeous.

They went inside to find out what room would be Rose's. Once that was taken care of, Alberta led them to the elementary campus and into the dorm where Rose's room was situated.

The room itself was nice. There were two sets of bunk beds, though none had been taken at that point. A dresser sat at the foot of each one, with four drawers each. Flowers were painted on the walls, with little bees flying around them.

"Which bed would you like, Rose?" Alberta asked the excited little girl.

Rose grinned. "I want this one!" she replied, running over and climbing the ladder to the top bunk of the bed on the right.

While Rose played on her new bed, Janine spoke quietly to Alberta.

"Do you know who her roommates are?" she asked. "I mean, is it all dhampirs?"

Alberta shook her head. "There are two Moroi and two dhampirs in this room. Up until grade two, they're mixed, but in grade three, they split up. And Rose will be sharing this room with a dhampir girl named Meredith Brown, and the two Moroi are Camille Conta and Vasilisa Dragomir."

_Great,_ Janine thought. _She's sharing with two royals._

In school, Janine had issues with royal Moroi girls. They were always bitchy to her, calling her a slut or a blood whore or something else along those lines. She prayed that the two little girls that Rose was rooming with would be nice to her. They would be too young to call Rose those names, but little girls could be mean in their own ways. She just hoped that Rose didn't punch any of them.

"Rose, honey, are you hungry?" Alberta asked.

Rose stopped and turned to stare at Alberta. "_Starving_! Airplane food is icky," she replied, a disgruntled look on her face.

Alberta laughed and held her arms up for Rose to take. Rose jumped off her bunk and right into Alberta's arms. Janine smiled as she watched this; Rose warmed up to people quickly, and it comforted her to see how much she already liked and trusted Alberta.

They put Rose's bags on her bed and made their way down to the cafeteria, where breakfast was being served.

Alberta's eyes widened as she watched the little girl beside her dig in to the giant plate of food in front of her. She's never seen someone so small eat so much!

"She certainly has a big appetite," she commented to Janine.

Janine grinned. "I know. She almost eats more than I do."

"Where does she put it all?"

Janine shrugged. "My best guess is that she's like a camel and has three stomachs."

At this, Alberta burst out laughing. Rose just looked at her, mouth full, wondering what was so funny.

It was soon time for Rose's first-ever class, and Janine was going to accompany her there. She needed to make sure that Rose settled in well.

The tables were in twos, and Rose decided on a seat in the middle next to a little blonde Moroi girl. Janine stood in the back and watched as the two conversed easily, making lots of gestures.

Once everyone was there, the teacher started her class. They went through things like counting to ten and reciting the alphabet before the teacher announced that they had to write out their full names.

But Rose wasn't going to have any of that.

She stood, her little shoulders squared, book in hand.

"Miss?" she said sweetly, addressing the teacher.

"Yes, dear?" the teacher asked.

"My name is too long, and so is hers." She pointed to the little blonde girl beside her. "We don't wanna write them."

The teacher smiled in amusement. "Well, I'm sorry, but you have to. Everybody else is."

"But―"

"No buts, Rosemarie."

Absolutely fuming, Rose yelled, "You fascist bastard!" and threw her book right at the teacher's head. Janine had to admit, her aim was good. But she put her hand over her face in embarrassment.

"Is she yours?" came a female voice from beside her. Janine turned to find the smiling face of Rhea Dragomir, Prince Dragomir's wife.

"Yes," she replied, grimacing.

"She's certainly got a lot of spunk," she commented.

Janine chuckled. "Oh, you haven't even seen the half of it." She gestured to the little blonde girl beside Rose who was currently laughing and talking animatedly with her. "Is she yours?"

Rhea nodded, smiling softly. "It seems the two of them have hit it off."

Janine smiled too. "That's good, because they're in the same room."

Rhea nodded. "So your daughter's Rose Hathaway?" she asked.

"Yes," she replied. She held out her hand. "Janine Hathaway. It's very nice to meet you, Lady Dragomir."

"It's nice to meet you too. But please; call me Rhea. I don't like bothering with titles," she told her, grinning.

"Rhea it is," Janine said.

The teacher scolded Rose, who didn't look the slightest bit bothered, and told her to go sit in the corner. Rose merely shrugged and did as she asked, but not before whispering something in Vasilisa's ear that made them both giggle.

The rest of the class passed, and the teacher had a talk with Rose once it was over. Rose just nodded along, and then they were free for lunch.

Rose grabbed Vasilisa's hand and pulled her back to where Rhea and Janine sat, a grin on her face.

"Momma! This is Lissa. She's my new best friend," she told her mother, her brown eyes sparkling. "Lissa, this is my momma."

Janine smiled at the little blonde girl. "Hi there."

Lissa smiled shyly and murmured a quiet "Hello." She then turned to Rose and introduced her to Rhea.

"It's very nice to meet you, Rose," Rhea said, smiling at her.

Rose grinned. "Nice to meet you too!"

The two girls ran off to get their lunch, with Janine and Rhea not far behind.

By the end of the day, the girls were inseparable. And Janine knew then that Rose would be okay without her, because she had a friend and she had Alberta. She wouldn't be lonely.

Now, she had to break the news to Rose that she wouldn't be staying.

"Rosie, honey? Can you come here for a minute?" Janine asked, standing in the doorway of Rose's room.

Rose jumped off Lissa's bed and ran over into her mother's arms.

"What is it, Momma? You look sad," she said, concern in her eyes. Rose wasn't stupid; she picked up on things like that.

Janine smiled sadly at her daughter. "Baby, I have to go."

Rose's brow furrowed in confusion. "Go where?"

Her mother took a deep breath before saying, "Home."

Rose looked even more confused. "I thought this was home now, Momma."

"It is . . . for you. I'm going to a place called Nepal to protect a Moroi."

Rose's eyes swam with tears. "But Momma . . . I don't want you to go."

Janine's heart was breaking, for the second time in her life.

"Don't cry, Rosie. I'll visit you at every chance I can get, I promise. But I need you to be a big girl for me, okay? You'll have Lissa and Alberta to keep you company."

"But I won't have you," she wailed, the tears spilling over.

"Oh, baby . . . it makes me so sad when you cry," Janine whispered, hugging her tight.

Rose sniffled. "Who will keep you company, Momma?" she asked tearfully.

Janine smiled softly at her. "Don't you worry about me, Rosie. I'll be fine."

But Rose wasn't having that; she shrugged out of her mother's grip and ran into her room, returning seconds later with Bartholomew.

She took her mother's hand and placed the battered old dog in it. "Take Bart, Momma. He'll make sure you aren't lonely."

Janine's eyes filled with tears. "But won't you miss him?" she asked.

"I'll be okay, Momma. You need him more than I do."

Janine opened her mouth to speak, but she was so overcome with emotion that no words came out. Instead she crushed Rose to her chest, hugging her as tight as she could.

"Momma, you're squishing me!" Rose squealed.

Her mother sniffled and let go, smiling a watery smile at her daughter. "I'm sorry, Rosie. I just love you so much, and I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too, Momma. But we'll see each other lots; you said you'd visit tons."

Janine nodded. "I promise I will."

And so she left the academy, leaving the other half of her heart with her daughter. The first half was still with Abe, in Turkey, and she felt strangely hollow. But she left with promises to return on holidays and any other time she could.

And she did, for the first year or so. But, after a few visits, saying goodbye became increasingly harder, and the amount of visits decreased.

The first time she'd waited a year to visit was the year that Rose turned seven. Janine was nervous as hell, but she knew that it would be alright, because Rose would be happy to see her.

How wrong she was.

The second that Rose opened the door and saw her mother standing there, she slammed it right in her face. Janine begged Rose to let her in, but she wouldn't.

It was the worst feeling in the world for Janine, knowing that her only daughter already hated her. She was slipping through her fingers, and there was nothing that she could do about it.

She'd promised herself that she wouldn't end up like her mother, with a daughter that hated her, but she did. So she did what her own mother did―she hardened her heart and dedicated herself to her charge, never taking vacation.

She didn't visit Rose again until she turned thirteen, which was even worse than the last time. Rose was a teen, and she'd built up a horrible resentment to her mother.

Janine had completely lost hope by the time Rose was seventeen. She hated her mother more than ever, and it didn't look as if things would ever get better between them.

But that was before Rose lost her first love, and her mother was there as a shoulder to cry on. She realized that maybe their relationship _was_ salvageable after all, and that made her so happy that she could sing (though she never let on how happy she was).

But then Rose disappeared, and Janine realized that she would quite possibly never see her again. So she did the one thing she could think of: She called Ibrahim. She knew that he could find her; he was good with things like that.

When she received the call that Rose had been found and that she was coming home, she cried tears of happiness. And for the first time in years, she pulled the battered old dog from under her pillow and hugged it, just like her little girl used to.

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><p><em>What did you think? Was it good? I started getting choked up when I was writing the little goodbye scene :(<em>

_Please let me know what your thoughts are on this oneshot :) I love getting feedback from my readers, good and bad._

_If you're not too busy, you should check out some of my other stories :) and if you want a quick, easy way to contact me, add me on facebook! "Sarah Ozera Fanfiction" is where you'll find me :)_

_Goodbye :)_

_~ Sar ~_


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